Saturday, May 4, 2002 cloudy
Li Ming and I took part in a wilderness survival program yesterday, and it has been one of the most unforgettable experiences since high school.
The two of us were to reach the campsite by the evening. We set out early in the morning, eager to face the adventure. I was carring a camp and a compass in my bag, while Li Ming loaded his with some bread, matches, candles, a map, a knife, afirst-aid kit, a flashlight, and some clothes. We followed the marked route until we reached a brook.. We had to swim across it, floating our supplies on a piece of wood in order to keep them dry. What’s worse, we lost sight of the signs on the other side of the brook! Thanks to the campass, we finally arrived at the campsite on time, and managed to make the camp and afire.
The two of us spent the night in the forest.
We learned to use knowledge gained in clASSroom training to solve problems. It was quite an experience for us both, which I’ll never forget for the rest of my life.
一、得分：24
点评：这是一份优秀作文，体现在如下几个方面;
1、文笔流畅，显示了作者扎实的基本功。当你读这篇小文时，你会觉得很舒服，不会产生厌倦的感觉;
2、要点齐全，能将提示中的各项要求很好地安排到作者写的`小文中，而且还不流俗。一般同学在叙及所携带的物品时，贯用we took a lot of things such as…或He and I took…的方式。此文作者不然，他用了I was carrying a camp and a compass in my bag, while Li Ming loaded his with some bread …这个一个并列句，令人耳目一新：
3、上下文衔接比较自然，这种自然表现在两个方面;一方面是作者写的内容间的衔接，另一方面是作者写的内容与原日记已给出部分的衔接。与上文的衔接，作者用了一个be to do…的形式，The two of us were to reach the compsite by the evening. we set out early in the morning, eager to face the advenfure.与下文的衔接时，又用了这样一句and managed to make the camp and a fire, 短文之间的衔接随处可见。比如作者写道，We followed the marked route until we reached a brook. We had to swim a cross it …, … we lost sight of the signs on the other side of the brook! Thanks to the compass, we ….
4、短文能很好体现作者驾驭语言的能力，比如前边提到的be to do …句形，What’s more作为过渡句的处理，Thanks to…的出现等;
书香门第
